missing him

I went to Turkey and then to Paris without my love. He long ago told me that October was a month we'd spend apart because he has a job that requires frequent tests for upward mobility, and October was to be the next. So I decided to travel, to keep my mind on something other than missing him.

And it totally didn't work. It was worse than it would've been here on the home front. Because I saw things I should've seen with him, met people I should've met with him, experienced things I should have experienced with him. Because now that he's in my life, I want to share everything with him. And everything I don't share with him is something that I only half experience.

It's crazy. All of it. I've been alone my whole life (even when I was married I was alone: traveled alone, spent family time alone, kept a piece of me to only me), but now, for the first time in my life, I'm lonelier alone than when I'm sharing my life. And it's all his fault, because he's the person I'm meant to share it all with.

And I want to. And the sooner the better.

~k